Oh dear. My last post has made me a bit nostalgic. It doesn't help that it is my birthday today (hahhahaha). Anyway, since I have already confessed that I grew up to soppy love songs, what the hell. I was looking for this song for the longest time and of all days, manage to find it today. Hmmmmmm....
Just wanted to share a beautiful love song that I still love listening to. Cliff Richard's Ocean Deep (yes, yes.... go ahead and laugh). It is still a bit too drama if you ask me but I can sorta understand where the words and feelings are coming from. Sigh.... Anyway have a listen if you are in a forlorn mood (I guess)...
I was on the bus the other listening to songs from the past when I heard a song that I used to listen to during my first break up. Well I have to be honest, I grew up listening to soppy love songs by female artists like Celine Dion (her second english album), Mariah Carey etc. (don't puke). Anyway I did, then I found Sarah Mclachlan. It was a Canadian movie titled 'Le Polygraph' (great movie by the way), I think, that introduced me to her music. The song was 'Plenty' the acoustic version.
The song left a deep impression on me and I went to buy the album. I think it was at this point in time that my musical taste kinda matured. The lyrics to the song were so powerful and I realised that feelings, though the same, can be expressed in different ways that makes it somehow more meaningful. Let's face it, if you hear a sad love song, essentially the essence of the song is the same. It is like watching a Hollywood film and a foreign film. The same theme might get a different treatment and depending on your taste, you might choose one or the other.
Some might find it indulgent but others might find it more, dare I say it, intelligent. Anyway that is how I feel. Everyone is entitled to their views right? Back to my story. My first break up was difficult. It took me 6 years to get over a 3 year relationship (I guess the rule 'half the time or double the time' is true). One song that was on repeat mode on my discman (there were no MP3 players then) was a song by Sarah Mclachlan from her 'Surfacing' album. I thought she went very commercial with the album but nevermind.
The second track stood out during my 'getting over' phase. 'Do what you have to do', as the name suggests, is a song about doing what is necessary when faced with heartbreaks. It was my first so it was a very very difficult time for me. Spending almost everyday with a person for 3 years and to be cut off unexpectedly, needs some adjusting to. I was lost and devastated. I was a hopeless romantic you see. I will not go into details of what I did, but well, I guess I did what I thought seemed 'constructive' at the time (of course they were not at all).
My friends were supportive though I think after awhile they were tired of dealing with my depression and stuff so I stopped talking about it and pretended (unsuccessfully) to be alright. My only outlet was to listen to this song and seek solace (which happens to be another album title by her) in the song.
Did it help me to get over my ex? I really don't know. It might have actually made me feel worse but nonetheless it has a special meaning to me. Time passed and slowly I got over my ex and now we are like soulmates though we are not together. I think our love has somewhat blossomed into something different. We still care a lot for each other and I know I can always count on him if ever I need help. But i digressed, anyway I slowly stopped listening to the song for a long time until recently on the bus.
Well, I actually teared while listening to it. I am a changed person (well I think I am). I am no longer the hopeless romantic who needs to find that special someone to make me happy as I am now able to be happy on my own (with the help of my wonderful friends of course). As such I thought I can never relate to the song again but I guess I was wrong. It puzzles me why the song still moves me even though I am at a very different point of my life.
Don't even suggest that I am still not over my ex because I am. Since then we have moved on with our lives and I am happy that the person is with someone else, just like I am happy that my last ex has moved on too. Anyway, I am kinda missing the point here. Just wanted to share the lyrics of the song to whoever is reading this. So far, I think there is only one but I doubt the person will come back to read anymore of my posts. :)
what ravages of spirit, conjured this temptuous rage
created you a monster broken by the rules of love
and fate has led you through it you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it you do what you have to do . . .
and i have the sense to recognize that i don't know how to let you go
every moment marked with apparitions of your soul
i'm ever swiftly moving trying to escape this desire
the yearning to be near you i do what i have to do
but i have the sense to recognize that i don't know how to let you go
i don't know how to let you go
a glowing ember burning hot burning slow
deep within i'm shaken by the violence of existing
for only you i know i can't be with you i do what i have to do
I chanced upon this gem when i walked into a music store recently. It does not help that my ex is away in the states and I am missing him so. Well, to cut a long story short, me and my ex have our differences. MANY DIFFERENCES. But yet we tried and tried till we both could not anymore. The break up was amicable. Well almost....
It took time but we managed to still be friends after 3 years since the break up. He is still a great friend of mine but i never really realise his presence till recently. Away for 2 weeks... That is not long, you might say. Maybe it is god's way of just telling me how important he is to me and how much he means to me. More than I know....
Maybe it is what i went through during the time he was away. Nothing drastic. Just realising some of my friends who have been together for awhile, are behaving the way we behave when we are together. What is one to think? Maybe this is as good as it gets.... Then what is it am I looking for?
Nothing. Halfway through writing this, I just realised that we will never be the one that we are looking for but yet I still have this strong feelings for him. Sigh.... This song by snow patrol, captures the essence of what I am feeling at the moment. I'll be honest. It makes me cry but at the same time it makes me realise the truth of it all.... I do want him to be happy even if it is not with me. But yet....
Went to a birhday party recently and I found that the host and the birthday girl is going through pretty much the same thing. Ironic? No! I am not Alanis Morissette (check out the meaning of ironic and go and listen to her song of the same title). It is just a coincidence I guess. One that made me realise how I feel.. I love him. I really do.
He has brought me joy. So much that I have taken it for granted. Baby, if you are reading this, the song reminds me of what is important. N what is that?
Is it too late to remind you how we were But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur Most of what I remember makes me sure I should have stopped you from walking out the door You could be happy, I hope you are You made me happier than I'd been by far
We all have gone through it before. Not getting the toys we want, not winning the first prize in the spelling bee contest (no I have never been in one though I must admit I am quite the beeeeeee…. :p ) amongst others. As we grow older, disappointments come in different forms.
Being turned down by a crush, finding the perfect pair of shoes but not in your size, friends who backed out last minute and the list goes on. And the pattern still continues into our adulthood. Not landing the perfect the perfect job, missing out on a promotion and realizing that you are just not good enough.
To me, disappointment is part and parcel of life. You go through it again and again until you build a coping mechanism that somehow helps you get through it. Whatever that mechanism is, be it resignation, the promise of a better tomorrow or even blaming others for your misfortunes, that feeling is still there and you cannot deny it no matter how hard you try to erase it.
Raised hopes and expectations are preludes to this heavy emotion. When I think of disappointments, one song comes to mind. It totally embodies this emotion and describes it well using minimal words and an interesting music arrangement.
Using words and music as paint and your imagination as a canvas, Radiohead's Let Down paints exactly that emotion in brilliant solid colours. You cannot help but dig into your innermost thoughts and relive those moments that you tried so hard to put behind.
The best part of it, is that it is not all about gloom and self pity … Ironically, it brings hope and optimism (though short lived… yet another irony) to probably a jaded and bitter listener (I am not talking about me… hahaha).
You know, you know where you are with, you know where you are with, floor collapsing, falling, bouncing back and one day, I am gonna grow wings, a chemical reaction, [You know where you are,] hysterical and useless [you know where you are,] hysterical and [you know where you are,] let down and hanging around, crushed like a bug in the ground. Let down and hanging around.
Kate Bush is an amazing singer songwriter. Her latest offering 'Aerial' is an example of how she evolves with her music. I first took notice of her when she released 'Hounds Of Love' (an amazing album by the way). Tracks like Running Up The Hill, Cloudbusting and the title track are amazing songs that I can listen to over and over again.
However there is one song that will always be dear to me. It helped me go through a tough time in my life. About a year ago, I lost my mom to cancer. I'll try not to go into too much details but my mom was very dear to me. Yes, I did take her for granted, pursuing my needs and wants that sometimes led to neglect. She was an amazing woman who believed in the good of people and always putting others above herself. I am who I am today because of her and if I am half of what she was, I am happy.
Well, not to be too dramatic, when she finally gave in to her sickness, I was devastated. But being the person who I am, I was able to block everything out. I went on with my life as usual and tried very hard not to think of her (I did quite well actually). However I still felt that there was something inside that had to come out. I don't know what it was untill I heard this song.
'This Woman's Work' (coincidentally, Maxwell also recorded an amazing cover of this song) was a song that I loved but on one particular day, as I was lying in bed listening to it, something took over me . I just wept and wept like a baby and that is something that is rare for me. I think it was the words of the song and how her voice truefully emote the song. One of resignation but yet hopeful. Longing.... Read the lyrics...
This Woman's Work
I know you have a little life in you yet. I know you have a lot of strength left. I know you have a little life in you yet. I know you have a lot of strength left. I should be crying, but I just can't let it show. I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking Of all the things I should've said,That I never said. All the things we should've done,That we never did. All the things I should've given,But I didn't.
All the things that you needed from me. All the things that you wanted for me. All the things that I should've given, But I didn't.
Oh, darling, make it go, Make it go away.
Regret. That is what it was. That was what I was feeling. My mom never expected much from me. Yet I could not deliver. For now, I can only console myself by telling myself that I tried my best to be there for her when it mattered most..... Was that enough....
I have been thinking of doing this for a long time now so finally I am going to do it.
What this blog is all about?
Music basically. My interpretations of songs and what they mean to me. These are songs that have special meaning to me and I would like to share the experience with people who can be bothered to read them.
Who exactly will read my blog?
Hmmmm.... I dunno. Even if no one reads it, it's all good (as Chaka Khan would sing).
Why music?
I find that songwriters share their knowledge and experiences with the audience but sometimes we don't really take the time to listen to the words and see how insightful and true they are. Anyway, music is all I know and is the one passion in my life.
Now that we have gotten the introduction out of the way, my first posting starts now.... hehehe
India Arie did an amazing cover of Don Henley's Heart Of The Matter... a heartfelt rendition... go listen... made me listen to the lyrics... great song..
I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear But I knew that it would come An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone She said you found someoneAnd I thought of all the bad luck, And the struggles we went through And how I lost me and you lost you What are these voices outside love's open door Make us throw off our contentment And beg for something more?
These times are so uncertainThere's a yearning undefined...People filled with rage We all need a little tendernessHow can love survive in such a graceless age The trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness They're the very things we kill, I guess Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms And the work I put between us,Doesn't keep me warm
I'm learning to live without you nowBut I miss you, Baby The more I know, the less I understand All the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter But everything changesAnd my friends seem to scatter But I think it's about forgivenessForgiveness Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
This is not just a love song to me... it says a lot about the strange times that we live in.. well... just my own personal thoughts.... there is also a line in the first verse about throwing our contentment in beg for something more.... isn't that almost everyone's life.. I guess the voice that instigate us is actually our own..
