Heartbreaks

I was on the bus the other listening to songs from the past when I heard a song that I used to listen to during my first break up. Well I have to be honest, I grew up listening to soppy love songs by female artists like Celine Dion (her second english album), Mariah Carey etc. (don't puke). Anyway I did, then I found Sarah Mclachlan. It was a Canadian movie titled 'Le Polygraph' (great movie by the way), I think, that introduced me to her music. The song was 'Plenty' the acoustic version.


The song left a deep impression on me and I went to buy the album. I think it was at this point in time that my musical taste kinda matured. The lyrics to the song were so powerful and I realised that feelings, though the same, can be expressed in different ways that makes it somehow more meaningful. Let's face it, if you hear a sad love song, essentially the essence of the song is the same. It is like watching a Hollywood film and a foreign film. The same theme might get a different treatment and depending on your taste, you might choose one or the other.


Some might find it indulgent but others might find it more, dare I say it, intelligent. Anyway that is how I feel. Everyone is entitled to their views right? Back to my story. My first break up was difficult. It took me 6 years to get over a 3 year relationship (I guess the rule 'half the time or double the time' is true). One song that was on repeat mode on my discman (there were no MP3 players then) was a song by Sarah Mclachlan from her 'Surfacing' album. I thought she went very commercial with the album but nevermind.


The second track stood out during my 'getting over' phase. 'Do what you have to do', as the name suggests, is a song about doing what is necessary when faced with heartbreaks. It was my first so it was a very very difficult time for me. Spending almost everyday with a person for 3 years and to be cut off unexpectedly, needs some adjusting to. I was lost and devastated. I was a hopeless romantic you see. I will not go into details of what I did, but well, I guess I did what I thought seemed 'constructive' at the time (of course they were not at all).


My friends were supportive though I think after awhile they were tired of dealing with my depression and stuff so I stopped talking about it and pretended (unsuccessfully) to be alright. My only outlet was to listen to this song and seek solace (which happens to be another album title by her) in the song.


Did it help me to get over my ex? I really don't know. It might have actually made me feel worse but nonetheless it has a special meaning to me. Time passed and slowly I got over my ex and now we are like soulmates though we are not together. I think our love has somewhat blossomed into something different. We still care a lot for each other and I know I can always count on him if ever I need help. But i digressed, anyway I slowly stopped listening to the song for a long time until recently on the bus.


Well, I actually teared while listening to it. I am a changed person (well I think I am). I am no longer the hopeless romantic who needs to find that special someone to make me happy as I am now able to be happy on my own (with the help of my wonderful friends of course). As such I thought I can never relate to the song again but I guess I was wrong. It puzzles me why the song still moves me even though I am at a very different point of my life.


Don't even suggest that I am still not over my ex because I am. Since then we have moved on with our lives and I am happy that the person is with someone else, just like I am happy that my last ex has moved on too. Anyway, I am kinda missing the point here. Just wanted to share the lyrics of the song to whoever is reading this. So far, I think there is only one but I doubt the person will come back to read anymore of my posts. :)





what ravages of spirit, conjured this temptuous rage

created you a monster broken by the rules of love

and fate has led you through it you do what you have to do

and fate has led you through it you do what you have to do . . .

and i have the sense to recognize that i don't know how to let you go



every moment marked with apparitions of your soul

i'm ever swiftly moving trying to escape this desire

the yearning to be near you i do what i have to do

but i have the sense to recognize that i don't know how to let you go

i don't know how to let you go



a glowing ember burning hot burning slow

deep within i'm shaken by the violence of existing

for only you i know i can't be with you i do what i have to do